For a while now, the term ‘narcissist’ has been used somewhat interchangeably with ‘selfish’ or, quite simply, ‘prick’. Your manager didn’t give you credit in that presentation you worked on? Narcissist. Your ex-boyfriend started posting shirtless selfies to their Instagram? First of all, ick, second of all, narcissist.
Although the term is still overused, it seems more of us are starting to dig deeper to understand this therapy buzzword, thanks to social media. Like so many other mental health conditions, we’ve become fixated on what being a narcissist actually means, beyond its use as an insult. We’ve become such ‘experts’ on the topic, we’re even trying to diagnose it, despite having zero professional training.
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From Major Bro podcasts like The Diary Of A CEO to your classic armchair therapists, narcissists have become a hot topic recently, with the hashtag amassing millions of views on TikTok. One quick search of the term shows that no stone has been left unturned: every imaginable aspect of narcissism, or more specifically, narcissistic personality disorder (NPD), has been packaged into bite-sized, click-baity content.
In an earnest attempt to unpack one therapy buzzword online, you’ll inevitably come across a hundred others and before you know it, the algorithm will start spitting out new pop psychology terms and phrases like a kid with a Dynamo label-maker: ‘narc smile’, ‘stonewalling’, ‘gaslighting’, ‘narc red flags’ and so on.
Then there are all the different subtypes of narcissists, of which answers vary. Some claim there are four types while others say there are up to 14. So how many types of narcissists are there, really? And amidst all the conflicting analysis, how do you actually spot a real, diagnosable narcissist?
In search of a credible expert, I spoke to Dr Zena Burgess, CEO of the Australian Psychological Society to find out. Contrary to what the internet would lead you to believe, you don’t need to learn about the supposed 11 types of narcissists and each of their traits. There really are just two types.
“Current research suggests there are various subtypes of narcissism, including two more well-known types, grandiose ‘overt’ type and vulnerable ‘covert’ type,” she explains, noting that there’s no consensus about them – hence the variation in answers when searching online.
“In fact, NPD is one of the most contested mental health diagnoses and a formal NPD diagnosis is very rare,” she says. This could account for the ever-widening gap between our perception of how many narcissists there are in the world, and the reality of that number. To put things into context, just one per cent of adults in the United Stated have NPD, according to research.
To actually get a diagnosis, a person must display several of the following characteristics “to the extreme” and be affected in their everyday life: a pervasive pattern of grandiosity, a need for admiration, fantasies about power, success, beauty or an idealised vision of love, a sense of entitlement, a belief of being special, lack of empathy for others, a tendency to exploit others and arrogant behaviour.
These traits can present in very different ways though. In the grandiose ‘overt’ type, NPD manifests itself in extroversion, self-confidence, attention seeking and aggression. This is your fairly obvious, text-book narcissist.
Your vulnerable or ‘covert’ narcissist on the other hand is perhaps a little harder to spot, with vulnerable types characterised by introversion, high sensitivity, negative emotions, and a need for constant recognition and reassurance.
But while NPD can look different from person to person, the condition is underpinned by a common vulnerability. “Behind the mask of extreme confidence lies a fragile self-esteem that’s vulnerable to the slightest criticism,” Dr Burgess says.
So, how do we actually distinguish the difference between someone being a little narcissistic and full-blown NPD? In a world obsessed with definitive labels and self-diagnosis, Dr Zena suggests it may be better to think about narcissism on a spectrum.
“We all have, and need, some level of narcissism. A healthy level of narcissism helps with our mental health, self-esteem, ability to be assertive, and confidence to pursue our goals,” she explains. “This kind of narcissism is not NPD. NPD is a clinical disorder where symptoms of narcissism, including arrogance, a lack of empathy, sense of entitlement or need for admiration create problems with relationships, work, school or other important aspects of life.”
It’s therefore worth reframing our thinking when it comes to narcissism, and refraining from slapping the ‘narc’ label on our difficult boss, friend, ex, co-worker or relative, as tempting as that may be. Because when we overuse language we dilute its meaning, and if there’s anything we should learn from the internet’s obsession with narcissists, it’s that there’s real suffering among those who have a relationship with one, and that simply ‘cutting them off’ is far from a helpful or nuanced solution.
What is helpful is therapy. For both those who are navigating a relationship with a narcissist and for narcissists themselves. “Long-term psychological therapy is the primary treatment for NPD and psychologists are well-placed to help,” Dr Burgess says. “Therapy can help people gain greater insight into their problems and learn what changes they can make to relate to others in a positive and rewarding way, develop healthy self-esteem and have more realistic expectations of others.”
Information is powerful, but let’s leave the diagnosing to the experts.
For more on narcissism, try this.
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2025-02-06 09:04:00
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