“Would you be open to a call?” The Hinge notification lights up my phone. Finally, I think. We’ve been chatting for days and it’s time to see if this online flirtation has any real-life potential. We exchange numbers and lock in a time. I wonder what his voice sounds like.
At the agreed hour, a new name flashes across my screen. I ignore the nerves and answer with my most casual ‘Hello’. Within minutes, he lets me know he’s stalked my Instagram (thanks, contact card), and I do a quick mental scan for any polarising posts. Great voice, I think. “What are your non-negotiables?” he asks.
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If you’re dating in 2025, chances are you’ve experienced the pre-date screen – a casual call that, while meant to build connection, often turns into an unofficial audition. As a ghost writer and editor of dating profiles, I’m pretty familiar with the concept, having had both personal and professional experience with the trend.
There are plenty of reasons so many of us are leaning into it: safety, burnout, saving time. But I’m starting to wonder if these pre-date calls are helping us build connection, or just building walls.
Is this an interview?
If you’ve been single for a while, you’ve likely become more intentional with your time. You’ve got bills, responsibilities and maybe a skincare routine that takes priority. So the temptation to pre-vet someone makes sense.
But if you’re not careful, screening calls can stop being about getting to know someone and start sounding more like a job interview. You might stop considering how you feel with someone and, rather, start considering if they fit the criteria on your list.
When my call rolls around with my potential date, I try to keep things honest. I let him know I’m looking for someone health-conscious and family-oriented. He agrees, says he wants someone “nurturing” and then adds, “I also don’t want someone who’ll fart around me. If you want me to put my face down there, you can’t be doing that.” I wait for the laughter I’m sure will follow but alas, there is none. This man is deadly serious.
Early flag detection
Fortunately, the pre-date call can be an excellent red flag detector. One of my clients recently hopped on a call with someone she was excited about meeting. As they spoke, she registered that one of his stories seemed familiar. ‘Where have I heard this before?’ she thought. Soon, the smallness of this world dawned on her. Her friend had dated this man and he’d fallen for her, hard. It was an easy out.
This efficient way of dating ensures we don’t waste makeup, money or the mental energy a date requires, when we can just as easily tick ‘no’ from a phone call.
That said, I decided to go on a date with Mr. No Farting. It wasn’t a dealbreaker and we’d had a good enough chat to pique my curiosity. We liked the same podcasts, shared an interest in the Enneagram and even aligned on future goals. We scheduled lunch for Sunday and I hoped for the best.
Chemistry doesn’t always translate
If you’ve watched Married at First Sight, you’ve seen the show’s dating experts pair strangers, who tick every box on paper, into couples, only for things to fall apart once they meet. Why? Because attraction can’t be manufactured. It’s either there or it’s not. A voice, a shared sense of humour, even a matching lifestyle – all of it can fade the moment you meet someone in person and feel… nothing.
I walked up to our lunch spot, and knew immediately: I’m not attracted to him. Objectively, he was handsome but that’s the thing about attraction, it can’t be switched on because you want it to. And a great phone call can only get you so far. It had, however, caused me to feel all the more disappointed.
While a phone call may help you cross someone off your list more quickly. It can also be more of a let down when your date doesn’t fare as well in person. It’s like they aced the interview but they can’t do the damn job, and you end up feeling a little robbed.
I still had a pleasant lunch with my new friend. He actually decided to bring up his request for no farting once again, “It doesn’t pair well with oral sex you know?” I realised it was a good thing I wasn’t attracted to him. Lest I have an untamed pube at some stage and risk never seeing him again.
So, should you call first?
Look, I believe, a phone call can help. It can weed people out, give you a ‘gut check’ and help you ease into a date with less pressure. It can even be kind of hot in a slow-burn, ’90s rom-com kind of way.
But it also takes away something: the pleasant surprise of sitting down with someone and discovering, in real time, that you get along. That they’re kind. That you might even want to see them naked.
So, should you call before a date? If it helps you feel safe or intentional, absolutely. But don’t let it replace the magic of meeting someone as they are, without a checklist or a script.
For more advice on dating, try this.
This article The rise of the ‘pre-date screen’ and whether you should call your first dates appeared first on Fashion Journal.
2025-05-26 07:27:00
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