Rejection is a universally human experience that, frankly, sucks. Not getting a job you had your heart set on, being ghosted by a hot new fling you wanted to pursue, failing a driving test – all these rejections can be profoundly painful, eroding your confidence and planting the seeds for self-doubt.
I’m no stranger to rejection. In fact, as a freelance writer, I’m well acquainted with the countless ‘no’s’ that have greeted my ideas. It still doesn’t mean each ‘no’ doesn’t sting, even just a little.
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In spite of the uncomfortable and sometimes crushing feeling of rejection, people are participating in the viral TikTok trend, the ‘Rejection Therapy Challenge‘. A form of exposure therapy, the trend encourages people to intentionally seek daily rejections to develop resilience and reduce the negative feelings associated with rejection. This can involve anything from asking to borrow $100 from a stranger to something more high-stakes, like asking for a pay raise.
While getting rejected is a normal part of life (unless you’ve lived so safely, in which case you fail by default), fear of rejection can hold you back from amazing opportunities, such as pursuing your passion or making a lifelong friend or partner. By exposing yourself to rejection in low-stakes scenarios, such as asking for a discount on your coffee, you can gradually desensitise yourself to the sting, making it less daunting over time.
For me, the idea of boldly asking for what I wanted, regardless of the outcome, felt liberating. As a chronic people-pleaser with rather conventional fears of failure and social humiliation, intentionally seeking rejection – a practice requiring assertiveness I had only ever dreamt of, seemed a good way to finally ask for what I usually internalised, even when I expected a ‘no’.
It’s important to note that ‘rejection therapy’ as seen on TikTok is not a formally recognised, clinically established therapeutic technique and should not replace seeing a psychologist. In saying that, I gave rejection therapy a crack – this is how it went.
Challenge one: Ask for a late check out
My first challenge, initiated by my boyfriend (who is effortlessly assertive unlike myself), was to ask for a late checkout at the hotel we were staying at for the weekend. It was a low-risk start; the worst outcome was a ‘no’, and we’d simply leave on time, as planned.
It wasn’t a big deal, but I was still reluctant to approach the receptionist in the lobby. But, after asking very, very nicely I was met with a polite ‘yes’ after a quick check of her computer. Since the room wasn’t booked for that night, we got to stay until noon – win!
Challenge two: Ask for a pay rise
Following the easy hotel task, my next challenge was a considerable jump: requesting a pay rise. It of course felt sweaty-palm-inducing, but it was a necessary conversation I’d been procrastinating for weeks, because it made me uncomfortable.
The logical part of my brain is well aware that a little discomfort shouldn’t deter me from a potential pay rise that could fund my travel plans to Japan, so I did the thing and sent an email to my boss to arrange a meeting.
I anxiously waited for a response. Luckily, I received a Google Meeting invite just a couple of hours later. While the conversation didn’t result in an immediate salary increase, I did get confirmation that they would meet my salary expectations in three months (it’s a partial win, and I’ll take it!). Truth be told, if I hadn’t asked and explained my value in my role, I doubt the pay increase would’ve ever happened.
Take this as a sign to ask for that promotion or pay rise – the worst they can say is no!
Challenge three: Ask for a discount
Surprisingly, the toughest challenge was asking for a discount on my morning coffee. I think it was because I expected to get rejected, given that I don’t frequent a regular coffee shop and had no legitimate reason for a discount. I asked regardless, and I was met with a very polite ‘no’.
The rejection was far less painful than anticipated, and I happily moved on with my day, paying full price just like everyone else. The ability to take rejection and move on quickly is precisely the point of this challenge.
Rejection will always suck, and I’m not sure I’ll ever be totally fine with it, especially if it’s a rejection from something really important to me. But, I’ve learned that a momentary squirm is worth finding out if something is for you or not.
And like most people in the world, I’ll likely face rejection for the rest of my life, and that’s a beautiful thing – because I know I’m always going to be willing to try.
For more on dealing with rejection, try this.
This article I tried ‘rejection therapy’ for a week to be more assertive appeared first on Fashion Journal.
2025-03-05 11:09:00
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