By now, we’re well aware of the myriad of benefits that come with an orgasm. Not only do they release a range of feel-good hormones (like dopamine, endorphins and serotonin), but they can strengthen your pelvic floor, improve your skin, help you get to sleep and strengthen your relationship (with both yourself and your partner). On all levels, objectively speaking, they just feel great.
For more sex advice, head on over to our Life section.
Yet not all orgasms are made equal. Some people can get off within a few seconds, others might need some time to warm up. Maybe penetrative sex does it for you, or maybe you need clitoral stimulation. There’s no one clear pathway – plus, sometimes the fun lies more in the journey than the destination. Here, eleven FJ readers weigh in on how important orgasms are during sex and what it takes to get them there.
Robyn*, 20, she/her
I orgasm one to three times a session, mostly from fingering or touching myself. To me, orgasms are the most important thing.
Caitlin*, 27, she/her
I orgasm almost every time I have sex, either from penetration or clitoral stimulation. As a woman in a straight relationship, I think orgasms are extremely important.
Tess*, 26, them/they
I orgasm from oral sex. But I don’t think it’s that important. Sex is so much more than just orgasming. I enjoy the little intimacies and tension more than the climax. Sometimes life is so dramatic, sex doesn’t have to be!
Olivia*, 22, she/her
When it’s with someone I’m dating, it’s once every time we have sex, so maybe three times a week. And doesn’t take long to finish! But with one-night stands and casual sex, I can’t finish at all. I think I just can’t let go in the same way.
For me it’s more about the other person trying to make you finish, so in that sense it’s very important. But also sometimes I just can’t finish due to stress, where I am in my cycle and other factors, so I don’t like the idea that sex can’t be filling if you don’t finish, because it definitely still can.
I have ADHD and can get extremely distracted during sex, so reaching an orgasm requires me to be very focused and I can’t get to that unless I know and trust the person deeply.
Faye*, 25, she/her
I orgasm probably every other time I have sex. It’s mostly clitoral with penetration. Since I started having orgasms through sex (which wasn’t until being with my partner), I find it very important, but also give myself grace when I don’t reach orgasm every time.
John*, 21, he/him
As a gay man on Selective Serotonin Reuptake Inhibitors and antipsychotic treatment, the meds make it real hard to cum sometimes. I orgasm less than half the times I have sex, penetrative or oral. For me after a while, the sensations go numb and the stimulation isn’t enough to keep me erect enough to achieve it.
Although I know my boyfriend (and me) would love to be able to make me cum more often, I think we share a healthy love and sex life regardless. He still does things that arouse me and I make sure I’m attentive to his needs. In a way it suits our dynamic. I enjoy taking on a submissive role during sex centred around his pleasure. How’s my head? Never had any complaints.
Rose*, 32, she/her
I’m still single and it’s been down to men understanding what I like through telling them what works for me. The last guy I needed help from my hands but the other guy before him, I would orgasm during morning sex mostly and it was through penetrative.
Men stop watching porn and start communicating better for better sex! The men I have slept with recently over the last few years enjoy getting off when I get off.
Ruth*, 23, she/her
I have had one penetrative orgasm during sex a few years ago. Since then I’ve been able to make it happen with my fingers but not with a male partner. Usually I orgasm twice, a clitoral orgasm getting eaten out and during penetration. During penetration I stimulate my clit myself so I am in full control of my pleasure.
I think an orgasm should follow from sex at least 95 per cent of the time. But to be fair, I don’t have an orgasm in mind when initiating sex. Sex, to me, is a way of physically feeling ultimately close to my partner, to be as intimately connected as possible.
Jean*, 49, she/her
I can orgasm between one and six times during sex. It can be penetrative but most of the time it’s clitoral stimulation with anal play. From phone sex, I can usually orgasm from language alone.
To me, it’s very important. It’s a release of all those hormones that make you feel connected to your partner and your body. It’s the feeling of build up and release, that shared pleasure with someone.
Laura*, 24, she/her
I’ve only ever orgasmed by myself and it’s almost always clitoral. I used to think it was so important and I would regularly fake it. Since then I’ve realised I can still enjoy sex without an orgasm, and generally my partners are understanding and still put in the effort to make me feel good. However, I still feel like it’s my responsibility to make my partner orgasm, despite not being able to myself.
Sarah*, 23, she/her
My medication stops me from orgasming and I definitely feel like I’m missing something by not being able to. It makes sex feel like a mountain for me as I don’t think i get as much out of it.
Alana*, 25, she/her
I have a really great sex life with my partner and I’m very grateful. I typically orgasm at least once or twice and both from clitoral stimulation and penetration. My record is five times during one session which was kind of amazing.
I definitely don’t think orgasming is the be all end all of good sex, but it does connect my partner and I emotionally. Especially when we come at the same time.
*Names have been changed for privacy.
For more on orgasm equality, try this.
This article FJ readers reveal how often they orgasm during sex appeared first on Fashion Journal.
2025-06-12 06:34:00
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