Jessica Wade is an experienced Australian sexologist and educator who brings an empowering, science-backed, and approachable perspective to topics surrounding sexual health and wellbeing. Her expertise allows her to address taboo subjects with compassion, credibility, and a fresh, modern lens that resonates with a broad audience.
Hi Jessica. I’ve been with my partner for five years and although I’m happy in our relationship, he’s only the second person I’ve slept with. He’s also had more sexual partners than me, and I can’t help feeling that I haven’t ‘explored’ my sex life enough. Any advice? – Jacqueline.
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Jessica Wade: Jacqueline, I hear you, you’re feeling a little FOMO. Even though you’re happy in your relationship, there’s a part of you wondering: have I explored enough? Is there more out there? Your feelings are completely valid and they don’t necessarily mean anything is wrong with your relationship, just that you’re craving more sexual variety or discovery.
Sexual satisfaction thrives on both novelty and emotional connection. We crave the excitement of the new while also finding deep pleasure in feeling safe and secure – life’s dichotomy at its finest.
Exploring something unfamiliar can heighten desire, but so can deepening intimacy within an already established bond. Then there’s the question of monogamy versus non-monogamy. Some couples find that opening their relationship expands their pleasure and connection, while others feel most fulfilled within a committed, exclusive dynamic.
There’s no universal formula only what truly aligns with you. So, the real question is: What do you want? I can suggest three ways to explore your sexuality, without wrecking what’s working.
Turn up the heat, right where you are
If your relationship is already solid, maybe it’s not about changing who you have sex with but how you experience pleasure together. A powerful way to explore is through the senses (smell, taste, sight, sound and touch), all of which uniquely shape arousal.
In my work with clients, some of the most profound shifts happen when people slow down and attune to the subtle sensations that heighten pleasure. Are you an auralist, deeply turned on by whispers, moans, or the rhythmic cadence of a lover’s voice? Try exploring erotic audio, guided pleasure meditations, or the tension of silence and anticipation.
If scent is your aphrodisiac, lean into fragrant massage oils, candles, or the nostalgic pull of a perfume that makes your skin tingle.
The key is curiosity. When you tune into what truly excites your body, you open the door to deeper, more satisfying pleasure without needing to change the foundation of your relationship.
If you’re intrigued to discover your dominant pleasure sense, a sensory pleasure quiz can offer insight into what turns you on and how to bring more of it into the bedroom.
Get curious about the why
Before you even think about stepping outside your relationship, take a moment to explore what’s really driving these feelings. Are you craving more excitement? Do you feel like you’ve missed out on experiences? Or is it about comparing your history to your partner’s? (Spoiler: Their past partners have nothing to do with your pleasure potential).
One of the most powerful ways to unpack this is through deep, open conversations with your partner. Ask each other: What’s something you’ve always been curious to try? You might be surprised to find they’ve been craving novelty, too.
If these conversations feel tricky to navigate alone, working with a sex therapist can provide a safe, non-judgmental space to talk about your desires. I see many couples for this exact reason wanting to reignite, get curious and expand their pleasure without disrupting the foundation of their relationship.
Exploring ethically, if that’s your path
If you truly feel that non-monogamy is the answer, it has to come from a place of mutual agreement, not fear, resentment, or boredom. This isn’t about ‘fixing’ a problem. It’s about expanding possibilities.
The reality is that ethical non-monogamy is complex. It requires deep trust, radical honesty, and ongoing check-ins. And it’s not a free pass to just sleep around – healthy CNM relationships have boundaries just like monogamous ones do. Couples with clear agreements had higher relationship satisfaction than those who approached it haphazardly.
So, if this is something you want to explore, ask yourself: Are both of you genuinely open to it, or does one of you feel pressured? How will you navigate jealousy and emotional needs? What are your boundaries, both physical and emotional?
Open relationships work well for some, but not for all. The key is honesty, honesty, honesty.
The bottom line
Your desire to explore doesn’t mean something is wrong, it means you’re human. And good news: there’s no one right way to create a fulfilling sex life. Whether you’re reigniting things within your relationship or stepping into new dynamics, what matters most is that your choices align with your desires, values, and emotional well-being. So, take a breath. Get curious. Have the conversations. And remember, pleasure is medicine.
For more on Jessica’s work, head here.
This article Ask a sex therapist: I’ve had two sexual partners, my fiance has had 30. Am I missing out? appeared first on Fashion Journal.
2025-04-04 06:42:00
#sex #therapist #Ive #sexual #partners #fiance #missing
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